Dr. Eric's Blog

Oprah...get it right!

People with HIV on Oprah today...

While I think this show is terrific, and puts more faces to HIV and AIDS, I really wish she would stop saying to people on the show...

" When you are HIV "or "When you are dating someone who is HIV"

People have HIV, they are not HIV!

At Friends In Deed, we have worked very hard to help people see themselves as people first and that HIV is only a PART of who they are.

Let's not go backward!  Check out the show

Much love to you, Oprah...but please, dear, get it right!

Anger

Anger is on the rise, including my own....but why?

Because we are being lied to each and every day.  Our leadership is not leading us anywhere except on to the road of death and destruction.

But what is happening with all this anger?  it is being ACTED OUT!

When anger cannot find a suitable target and be expressed openly and achieve some kind of positive end, it gets acted out.  (that energy just has to go somewhere)

So why is our anger and frustration not being targeted where it belongs? Why are we not protesting the war? Why are we so slow to take any action?  Learned helplessness!

Most simply feel they cannot make any kind of difference and those who can do so in quiet ways trying to make their world a little bit better.

Our forefathers would be rolling in their graves.... The Declaration of Independence says:

We hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed, by their CREATOR, with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these Rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just Powers from the Consent of the Governed, that whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these Ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its Foundation on such Principles, and organizing its Powers in such Form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.

So where do we draw the line?

The victim becomes the victimizer

Mark Foley does it again. SPIN/SPIN/SPIN!

Now Mr. Foley, with his co-conspirator: his attorney, is letting the world know that Mr. Foley was the victim of sexual abuse via a clergy member of the church.....(Sigh)

This is the use of pop psychology or even psychology as an excuse for bad behavior.

The main reason why people behave badly is because THEY THINK THEY CAN GET AWAY WITH IT!

And to add insult to injury, our president suggested that he (the president) was disgusted by this blatant betrayal of the public trust.

Who is he kidding?   He has also violated the trust of the American people.

What is really fascinating about all of this is that no one in Foley's circle knew he had an addiction problem.  Perhaps that is because he just does NOT have one???????

Gay House Wives?

Yup!

That is what Oprah's show is about this coming Monday!

What surprises me is that people are so shocked.  Men are not the only ones who marry and are gay.

This topic was handled quite well, in my opinion, by Logo's TV hit show Noah's Ark.

It reminds me years ago how shocked everyone was when they found out that women had affairs.

While John Gray still asserts that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, it seems that perhaps we are all more similar than different after all!

Remembering 9/11

Where were you on September 11, 2001 ?

Where were you on 9/11?  What do you remember?   How are you coping?

Please post!

9/11

September 11, 2001...

Lives in my mind as if it happened just a few hours ago.  A new motto emerges...
"Never forget"

My emotions today are not quite as different as they were on that day except that the absence of shock and awe that I experienced that day is not as present.

Still sad, still mad and still dissatisfied with what is being done and also very aware of the Phoenix that arose from the ashes that day. 

It was the response of tremendous compassion and heroism, not just of the NYC officials but the people.  The people over the next few months were amazing.  As if all our hearts opened wide and we, for a period of time, saw, acknowledged and recognized one another.  It was an amazing experience.

You cant "fight a war on terror".  it's a contradiction in terms.  We fight a war on terror with peace, love and compassion.  I know...I sound like some kind of airy fairy person here...however I am being more practical than I can express here on my blog.  It is through peace, love, compassion and in many cases forgiveness (not forgetness) that allows us to keep our hearts and minds open.

"Do your best to treat others as you would wish to be treated yourself, and you find that that is the shortest distance to peace"--Confucius

Success for Lazy People

"You’re so disciplined, you’re so focused, how do you do it?"

These are all the comments I hear all the time and the truth is, I am not disciplined, not focused, and I am actually quite lazy…

I like to spend most of my time at home, with my family, reading books, doing Tai Chi and playing my bass clarinet and when I am not doing that I’m watching re-runs of I love Lucy, Golden Girls and Bewitched...IN THAT ORDER mind you... ;-) and when I am “working” I work only with the people that I love!

So, how does one who is obviously sooooo lazy become so successful?   Well, I will tell you - it’s actually quite easy and is made of an eight-step-process.

1. Utilize your talents, skills, and abilities first!  We all tend to take our own abilities for granted and give them away, however talents, skills and abilities have not been doled out equally.  Get paid for what you are already good at!

2. Define success on your own terms.  The other day I was having a conversation with a client of mine and we got to talking about the choices we have made that have prevented us from becoming gazillionaires...and we both determined we would not have changed our experience one inch in any direction.  Many people continue to define success based on other people’s benchmarks which cause a great deal of stress and often a great deal of self-reproach.  One of my fellow coaches calls me a slacker (a term of endearment) in which we mutually tease our respective laziness. This is particularly true for solo-preneurs.  People who are starting or running their own business or practice and don’t have the measures they would if they were in a job where all the metrics were pre-determined.

3. Vision: A vision has the potential of super-charging your motivation and can help energize you when you feel low in the motivation department.

4. Personal and professional mission statements. These are personal standards that you set for yourself.

5. Define and rank order your values.  Values are your operating system that ultimately determine your choices in life. Your values are an important aspect of self-knowledge that should not be overlooked.  You are always working off of your values, whether they are conscious or not.  Once you know what they are, you may want to update them or keep them and apply them more consciously

6. Plan the time to plan, plan and then follow your plan.  This particular habit makes a huge difference in your life in terms of knowing what you will do and when you will do it.  It’s not about discipline, it's about habit and regularity.

7. Watch the money honey.  Keeping your eyes on what comes in and what goes out and evaluating it on a regular basis and aligning your choices based on your vision, mission, and values makes it all very simple.

8. Delegate, don’t abdicate! Create buffer zones around you so that you are not dealing with each and every detail of everything. 

So that’s it in a nutshell. The basics to achieve success for those of us who are allergic to hard work!

And if you are really lazy, come join a group of kindred spirits and get the ground work done!

Click here for the "GET YOUR YEAR IN GEAR" program

Peace during times of terror

Finding peace in times of terror...

This is the challenge that we all face today! I guess we could say the big challenge of the day, while each of us face other kinds of more personal challenges everyday.

War and terror are realities of the present day, which cause us all deep concern and much stress. 

Dealing with this kind of stress is always a challenge because the stressor is fairly consistent and persistent.  Which of course is the worst kind of stress.

So what can you do to de-stress your daily life as much as possible.

here are a few tips:

1. Limit your news viewing
2. Limit your discussions with others about the news
3. Discuss the news with people who can help you process your feelings about it
4. Focus your attention on the blessings in your daily life
5. Breath, take a yoga class, tai chi class, meditation class
6. *use the serenity prayer in your life as much as you like***
7. Be kind to yourself and others when ever possible
8. As St. Thomas said, Be and instrument of peace
9. Spend quality time with those that you love
10. Walk the path of peace with the same passion and purpose the terrorists take on their mission of destruction

***The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

OOPS, I dropped my umbilical cord!

Are we really just walking around, our umbilical cord in our hand, just looking for another place to plug it in?

Are we just a bunch of lost sheep looking for someone or something to tell us who we are, why we are here, what's wrong with us, how we can fix it and what we should be doing with ourselves?

Are we just a bundle of unfulfilled dependency needs just looking for a warm body to hold us, protect us and take care of us?